Bluff The Listener
NPR
Saturday, September 20, 2014
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Our panelists tell three stories involving a fanny pack, only one of which is true.
Transcript
BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Luke Burbank and Maz Jobrani. And here again is your host at the beautiful Paramount Theater in Seattle, Washington, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thank you so much. Right now it's time for our Bluff The Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air.
Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.
DAVID MOSS: Hi, this is David Moss calling from Frisco, Texas.
SAGAL: Frisco, Texas?
MOSS: Yes.
SAGAL: What do you do there?
MOSS: Well, right now I'm currently waiting for my summer break to end so I can go back to university.
SAGAL: Oh, to university. That sounds...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: What are you studying and where?
MOSS: Well, I study economics and normally I'm up at Carnegie Mellon in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
(APPLAUSE)
MOSS: But this year I'm studying abroad.
PAULA POUNDSTONE: Studying abroad?
MOSS: Yeah. Studying abroad...
MAZ JOBRANI: That is sexist.
POUNDSTONE: ...In - Frisco, Texas is not abroad.
(LAUGHTER)
MOSS: I'm going to the London School of Economics.
SAGAL: Oh, very good.
(CROSSTALK)
POUNDSTONE: Now, they are - the London School of Economics, that's part of the UK, isn't it?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: It's nice to have you with us David. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is David's topic?
KURTIS: Anyone seen my fanny pack?
SAGAL: You know, fanny packs are the laughing stock of the portable storage community. But we were struck this week when we read a story in which a fanny pack figured somewhat prominently. It's like hey, it's a fanny pack in the news. So we're going to have our panel - each of them - tell you a story from the week's news involving a fanny pack, but only one of those stories is true. Your job, of course, is to pick that real story. Ready to do that?
MOSS: Yeah. Let's do it.
SAGAL: All right. First up, let's hear from Luke Burbank.
LUKE BURBANK: The planned expansion of the Archaeology Museum of Naples was abruptly halted this summer when workers pouring the foundation for a new gift shop found, in a supremely ironic twist, an archaeological site of their own in need of preserving. The ancient remains of 14 people dating back some 40,000 years show both human and Neanderthal traits. By the way, I know it's Neanderthal, but I'm not going to say it that way 'cause it's public radio. We already have a bad reputation for being annoying.
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: This is something scientists had long theorized but had yet to prove. We're learning so much about these people thanks to this find, says anthropologist Silvana Condemi. They had sophisticated clothing including one set of remains who dies wearing a sort of satchel around their waist - a Neanderthal fanny pack if you will. The position of those remains and distance from the rest of the group tells us that this person was likely ostracized...
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: ...Possibly for the satchel. This also lines up with cave paintings that have been found wherein a group stands far away from an individual who wears a similarly primitive fanny pack. Some of the characters look to be laughing and pointing, says Condemi.
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: The museum will now be the permanent home for the remains, meaning an even larger expansion is now underway.
SAGAL: All right. A discovery in Italy indicates that the Neanderthals might have had a fanny pack.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Your next story of a pouch in the news comes from Paula Poundstone.
POUNDSTONE: Virginia Longland of Longmont, Colorado was arrested after an incident at the Denver Airport. Mrs. Longland was stopped when boarding an American Airlines flight to Miami, Florida, for carrying on three bags. She had a roller bag, a small backpack and a fanny pack. When she was asked to step out of the line and consolidate the bags, Ms. Longland, a physically fit woman wearing black workout pants pointed to a larger woman in front of her and said, is this about weight and space? Because even without a fanny pack, she's packing a fanny that takes up way more weight and space.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: You're not stopping her. She got louder, more offensive, said flight Kim Meisner. Unfortunately, there were quite a few passengers that were not as fit as they might be, but she ran around pointing them out.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: See if you can fit that in the overhead compartment...
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: ...She yelled pointing to an eggplant shaped man. Before the airport police arrived, she actually tried to get my wife's butt in the sizer, said a passenger, who asked that his name not be used.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: A spokesperson for American Airlines acknowledged that technically speaking, Ms. Longland may have had a point, but also felt that she expressed it badly. Flying can be quite stressful, and we want our passengers of all sizes to have a good experience and only two carry-on bags, no matter how little sense it makes.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: A woman with a fanny pack gets upset when she's not allowed to use it on an airplane - or take it on an airplane. Your last story of a be-fanny packed newsmaker comes from Maz Jobrani.
JOBRANI: California is experiencing a drought the state's governor Jerry Brown has described as historic in proportion. But that did not stop a bunch of pleasure seeking nudists at Lupin Lodge from stealing water from a local waterfall to fill up their pool for skinny-dipping. One of the advantages of being a nudist is you're always dressed for the pool. But when the pool has no water, nudists have to go rogue and steal it. And when water is stolen, you better believe that some park rangers are going to be on the scene pronto.
Errol Strider, 70, a nudist, said he ran into the rangers on a trail as they arrived. He told the San Jose Mercury News, I was wearing tennis shoes and my little fanny pack. I discreetly turned my fanny pack to a front pack.
(LAUGHTER)
JOBRANI: The nudists claimed they needed the water in case of fire. Everyone knows chafing is the leading cause of forest fire.
(LAUGHTER)
JOBRANI: And we're simply storing it in the pool. Local authorities won't be pressing charges or making arrests, partly because that would mean confiscating Errol Strider's little fanny pack.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: All right.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Here are your three choices - was the fanny pack that appeared in the week's news from Luke Burbank a story about how a Neanderthal might have had one based on a find in Italy? Was the fanny pack worn in Paula Poundstone's story by a woman who wanted to get on a plane with it but got upset when she was prevented? Or was the fanny pack being worn by a nudist in Maz Jobrani's story who quickly, quickly made it into a front pack when confronted by rangers who were busting some nudists for stealing water?
MOSS: Well, you're not making this one easy. They all seem pretty plausible to me so I'm going to put my faith in my favorite panelist, Maz Jobrani.
SAGAL: Oh, really? So you have chosen Maz's story which was the nudist wearing the fanny pack when he was busted by the rangers looking to see who was stealing the water. Well, we spoke to somebody with intimate knowledge, if you will, of this particular fanny pack.
(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING)
ERROL STRIDER: Part of being nudist is the freedom of (unintelligible) water, you have a phone, I got to have that fanny pack.
SAGAL: That was nude fanny pack wearer Errol Strider of the Lupin Lodge nudist colony - the guy who was surprised on the trail while he was wearing his fanny pack and nothing else. You were correct. Maz was telling the truth. By the way, we should also tell you that Mr. Strider hosts a radio show with his wife about the nudist movement called Insight Out... The Naked Truth.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The naked truth here is that you have won our game by correctly picking the true story. You've won a point for Maz and of course a prize for yourself - Carl Kasell, our Scorekeeper Emeritus - his voice on your voicemail. Well done.
(APPLAUSE)
MOSS: Thank you.
SAGAL: Thank you for playing.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "FANNY PACK")
KOO KOO KANGA ROO: (Singing) I look good when I wear a fanny pack. You look good when you wear a fanny pack. We look good when we wear a fanny pack. So let's wear a fanny pack. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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