Panel Round One
NPR
Saturday, November 21, 2015
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Our panelists answer questions about the week's news... A Plush Flush
Transcript
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Right now panel, time for you to answer some questions from the week's news. Alonzo, this week, The New York Times reported on an entirely new category of snobs - people who will only use high-end brands of what?
ALONZO BODDEN: Toilet paper?
SAGAL: Close. Next to the toilet paper.
BODDEN: Plungers?
SAGAL: No.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: You have the toilet paper maybe on one side. You have the plunger on the other. What's in the middle?
BODDEN: Toilet.
SAGAL: Yes, the toilet itself.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This article in the Times makes excellent bathroom reading - begins with the story of a man who had to use the bathroom before and nine-hour flight from Italy to New York. But the toilet there in Italy was not a Toto brand deluxe Japanese toilets as he was accustomed to, so he chose to hold it because when you've made it in this world, there is nothing more luxurious than spending nine hours trying not to explode. According to one [expletive]-ficionado, using a regular toilet...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...After the experience of the super toilets would be like, quote, "going back to the Stone Age." His toilets at home have heated seats, bidet attachments, an air dryer. And instead of water in the bowl, it's a dry chardonnay.
(LAUGHTER)
O'ROURKE: I first encountered one of these in a hotel in Japan.
SAGAL: Yeah.
O'ROURKE: And I sat down on this contraption to do what one does. And I hit the wrong button, so all hell breaks loose.
FAITH SALIE: Oh, see...
O'ROURKE: As I was spraying this way and hot air's blowing that way and...
SALIE: That means you hit the right button.
SAGAL: Oh, yeah.
O'ROURKE: Maybe.
SALIE: I've got to tell you, there is a Japanese restaurant in New York City that's Grand Central Terminal, and it has one of these toilets. And I don't even care about the sushi.
SAGAL: Really? You're just there for the toilet.
SALIE: I go - someone introduced me to this place, I go with that friend and then I say excuse me, I'll see you in about 20 minutes.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I've got an appointment with my best friend.
BODDEN: I would think this is a group of people that no one feels sorry for.
SAGAL: That's true, yeah.
BODDEN: I mean, when you say I can't go to the bathroom because it's not Toto or whatever it's called...
SAGAL: Yeah.
BODDEN: I think people are, like, OK, hold it...
SAGAL: Yeah.
BODDEN: ...Like, so long.
SAGAL: I'm really sorry for you.
BODDEN: We'll see how far you can go.
SAGAL: Yeah. Some of these toilets, which they also, like, have noise-canceling technology - this is true...
SALIE: Wait, they cancel your noise?
SAGAL: Yeah, they cancel the noise that you make, which is redundant because when really rich fancy people use the toilet, the sound that comes out is actually just really good jazz.
(SOUNDBITE OF JAZZ MUSIC)
SAGAL: Coming up, our panelists engage in some selfie love. It's our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.
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