Who's Bill This Time
NPR
Saturday, December 13, 2014
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Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news: All Aboard the Cromnibus; King James Meets The Future King; VirUS Weekly.
Transcript
BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago this is WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm half-anchor, half-man, Bill Kurtis.
(LAUGHTER)
KURTIS: And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thank you everybody. Thank you so much. Great to see you. Good to be back with you guys in Chicago. It was one of those weeks that made you seek out some comfort, you know? But not just any comfort, but the comfort of trustworthy, stalwart, honest authority. In other words, it's a good time to turn to science fiction, which is why we are so excited we'll be talking to Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Sir Patrick Stewart. Yes.
Later on in the show he'll make us all feel better, but in the meantime, your mission is to seek out your phone and dial one 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.
MATTHEW RUDOLPH: Hi, this is Matthew Rudolph from Orlando, Florida.
SAGAL: Orlando, Florida, how wonderful.
RUDOLPH: It's very nice.
SAGAL: I know, no one ever really says that, but I meant it.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: What do you do there?
RUDOLPH: I'm a student researcher - everything from pine scrubs to elephants.
SAGAL: So, I mean, you just - you walk out your door and it depends on what you find? Is that how it works?
(LAUGHTER)
RUDOLPH: Oh yeah, we have a huge arboretum here. It's beautiful.
CHARLIE PIERCE: Yeah, but the elephants is what's sort of weird.
SAGAL: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
TOM BODETT: And pine scrub sounds like a cleaning product.
PIERCE: It's what you wear when you like do surgery in the woods. You wear pine scrubs.
SAGAL: Yes. Well, that's our show for this week.
PIERCE: Yeah, thank you.
RUDOLPH: All right.
SAGAL: No. Welcome to the show Matthew, let me introduce you to our panel. First up, the man behind Esquire's politics blog written with fire, it's Charlie Pierce.
(APPLAUSE)
PIERCE: Hello.
SAGAL: Next, she's a writer in the upcoming Yahoo Series "Other Space" from Paul Feig, it's Shelby Fero.
(APPLAUSE)
SHELBY FERO: Hello.
SAGAL: And an author, humorist, craftsman, father and astronaut with and introduction that's 80 percent true, Tom Bodett.
(APPLAUSE)
BODETT: Hello, Matthew.
RUDOLPH: Hello.
SAGAL: Welcome to the show Matthew. You're going to play Who's Bill This Time. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize, scorekeeper emeritus Carl Kasell's voice on your voicemail. You ready to go?
RUDOLPH: Sounds great.
SAGAL: All right. Here is your first quote.
KURTIS: I have no idea what's going on.
SAGAL: That was Congresswoman Shelley Moore Capito of West Virginia as the House debated the Cromnibus - the bill they hoped would stop what from happening?
RUDOLPH: Oh, the government shutdown.
SAGAL: That's exactly right. The government shutdown.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Hoping it could be prevented, this time around by the Cromnibus. Now despite its name, the Cromnibus is not a big bus used to carry around the extended family of Republican presidential candidate Mitt Cromney.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Massive 1.1 trillion dollar spending bill - part continuing resolution. That's the "cr" and part Optimist Prime, the good transformer.
(LAUGHTER)
FERO: Didn't we just have a shutdown?
SAGAL: Oh, yeah, we did. A little bit more than a year ago.
PIERCE: A year ago.
SAGAL: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
FERO: Is this a thing? Is this a yearly thing?
SAGAL: Given your youth, that actually, for you, might be a yearly thing.
PIERCE: That's true, yeah.
SAGAL: Well, Shelby, when two parties hate each other very much...
(LAUGHTER)
FERO: They have a kid.
SAGAL: ...Sometimes they get together - they get together and they talk and then comes the Cromnibus. But the bill was passed just barely. So the good news is we have a government. The bad news is it's this government.
(LAUGHTER)
FERO: But now they get to say all aboard the Cromnibus.
SAGAL: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
FERO: So we're all winners.
SAGAL: Matthew, your next quote comes from a man reporting on some visitors to New York this week.
KURTIS: Kate is really stunning, gorgeous, elegant, perfect. William? He's nice too.
SAGAL: That was the manager of a New York radio station talking about meeting what couple of tourists in New York this week?
RUDOLPH: Oh, the Prince and the Duchess of Cambridge.
SAGAL: Yes indeed.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Kate and William, the Duchess of Cambridge and her husband, the Duke of Earl...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...Came to the U.S. this week for a visit. First stop - seeing LeBron James versus the Brooklyn Nets at the Barclay Center in Brooklyn. They didn't have tickets, they were just lost and went toward the first place with a vaguely British (LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Barclay Center - perhaps we shall meet there sir Charles Barkley.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Now the basketball game did not happen without controversy. LeBron James, who played at the net single-handedly - he's a good player - they came off the court to meet the royal couple, right? And he's all sweaty, he hasn't showered yet. And he puts his arm around the Duchess. You are not supposed to do that. She did not seem offended because she is, of course, a princess. From this moment on LeBron's arm armpit will smell like lavender and happiness.
(LAUGHTER)
FERO: Do they feel weird coming here that we like fought to not be part of Britain?
BODETT: I think they're over that.
SAGAL: It's been a while.
PIERCE: I mean, it's not like they took South Carolina home or something. Maybe they could have.
BODETT: It must be weird for Prince William. I mean, he looks like, you know, face it, he looks like Bob from accounting, right?
(LAUGHTER)
FERO: Hey.
BODETT: And he's traveling with this beautiful princess whose - it's like the quote that Bill opened with there. I mean, kind of...
FERO: You know, that quote that he opened with. The prince is super ugly and his wife's mad hot.
(LAUGHTER)
FERO: That quote?
SAGAL: Well, you know - you know what they say about guys like Prince William? He's much taller when he stands on his throne.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Really, I've read that honestly according to a lot of studies of female psychology, a lot of women are really turned on by you being the heir to a major European monarchy.
(LAUGHTER)
BODETT: I didn't know that.
SAGAL: It helps you punch above your weight in the dating scene, if you know what I'm saying.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right, very good Matt. Here is your last quote.
KURTIS: The world needs to know that there's a virus deadlier than Taylor Swift.
SAGAL: That was a man named Kevin Tse. He was offering one of many reactions on Twitter to the fact that who had beaten Taylor Swift for the TIME Magazine Person of the Year title.
RUDOLPH: Going to go with Peter Sagal?
(LAUGHTER)
BODETT: Close.
SAGAL: So, no. Sadly I was overlooked again. I don't know how that happened. It was not me. Do you know who it was?
RUDOLPH: Weird Al Yankovic?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: No.
PIERCE: Interesting he would go from Peter Sagal to weird Al Yankovic. That was - you're one step there.
SAGAL: Yeah I know. No, the answer is Ebola. They gave it to Ebola. Picking a virus is unusual. Interviewed at its home inside a red blood cell, Ebola said it was proud of its hard work and looked forward to trying some new projects next year.
FERO: No, it was the doctors.
SAGAL: Oh, no. You're right. Yes, I'm sorry.
FERO: It was the doctors.
SAGAL: It was not - they didn't give it to the virus, they gave it to the people who are fighting the virus. Oh great job, TIME. Make Ebola even madder.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: As per usual, they listed runners-up. That included Roger Goodell of the NFL and Taylor Swift.
PIERCE: You're kidding?
SAGAL: No, that's true.
PIERCE: Rodger Goodell?
SAGAL: Yeah, as a runner up.
PIERCE: Ebola had a better year than Roger Goodell.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I know. Bill, how did Matt do on our quiz?
KURTIS: You know, we call two out of three a winner in our books. So Matthew, congratulations.
SAGAL: Well done.
RUDOLPH: Thank you, thank you, thank you.
SAGAL: Thanks Matt, take care.
RUDOLPH: All right.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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