Bluff The Listener
NPR
Saturday, September 27, 2014
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Our panelists tell three stories about new and possibly unwanted delivery services. Only one of them is real.
Transcript
BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Shelby Fero, Tom Bodett and Kyrie O'Connor. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thank you. Right now, it's time for the WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.
CHRIS DAHL: Hi, Peter. This is Chris from Bainbridge Island, Washington.
SAGAL: Oh, Bainbridge Island right there across the sound from Seattle, right?
DAHL: Exactly.
SAGAL: It's great. We were just there. It's very beautiful.
DAHL: Yeah. I had a coworker who attended the taping last week.
SAGAL: And how did they enjoy it?
DAHL: They enjoyed it a lot.
SAGAL: And why didn't you go?
(LAUGHTER)
DAHL: There's no good answer to that.
SAGAL: No, there really isn't.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: But welcome to the show, Chris. It's great to have you. You're going to play our game in which you must tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Chris's topic?
KURTIS: Move over Jeff Bezos.
SAGAL: Thanks to Amazon, you can order Pop-Tarts online and have them in your mouth within four minutes. This week, we read, though, about a new home delivery service we didn't know anybody wanted. Guess the true story of an usual door-to-door service, and you'll win Carl Kasell's voice on your home answering machine or voicemail. First let's hear from Tom Bodett.
TOM BODETT: Have you ever plowed through your in-flight meal and wondered how you could get airline food delivered right to your home?
(LAUGHTER)
BODETT: Well, a lot more people have than you might think, at least that's what Air Food One is banking their business on. In spite of being the only place most Americans have seen a biscotti, airline meals are famous for unoriginal, tasteless fare accompanied by exploding salad dressing packets and a half a can of Sprite. And now, for about $12, people who enjoy this kind of thing can have it brought to their front door or the front door of someone they love.
(LAUGHTER)
BODETT: Are your aging parents complaining about the Meals on Wheels service you arranged? Give them a change of pace with Lufthansa lasagna or Chicken JetBlue. A week of that may grow new appreciation for meatloaf Wednesdays and canned peaches. Air Food One and their partners say this is a good second market for food that would normally be thrown out. For now, because of their famously discerning palates - think boiled meat and cabbage - the service is only available for people living in Germany. The British are anxiously awaiting their turn.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Airline food delivered to your door without the trouble of getting on an airplane. Your next story of an unusual delivery comes from Shelby Fero.
SHELBY FERO: It's a bird, it's a bird, it's a bird carrying another bird. Yes, it's true. A knew pet home delivery service has been unleashed by the Pets in Need shelter of Calgary, Canada where your new pet will be delivered by one of the shelter's other resident animals. For the next few months, families can pick their new pet online and then put their feet up and relax as one of the shelters furrier employees makes the delivery. It's sort of like when the stork delivers a baby, but instead it's a Labrador toting a satchel full of parakeets.
(LAUGHTER)
FERO: We definitely hit a few snags at first, remarked shelter-owner Glen Horton, especially before we started putting the animals to be delivered into some sort of box or container. Sending the first few deliveries loose-leaf was a bit of a mistake. Turns out a hamster can't balance on the shell of a tortoise for very long. And then there was the Tweety bird incident. Let's just say we keep the feline and aviary deliveries separate now.
(LAUGHTER)
FERO: But have you ever seen a miniature horse successfully deliver a family's new iguana? It warms the heart.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Pets delivered by other pets. Your last story of an unwanted package comes from Kyrie O'Connor.
O'CONNOR: Heather Alexander of Austin, Texas was waiting for a special delivery. And when a Tiffany-blue van pulled into her driveway, she was pretty excited. Printed discretely on the side of the van was the name Loo for You. I've been looking forward to this like crazy, she said. She tore open the box and lifted out a scrolled leather container. There it was, her artisanal toilet paper. Loo for You delivers the ne plus ultra of butt wipes. Made of handcrafted paper embedded with the fur of Angora cats, the sheets - nothing so rude as a roll - aren't just embossed with quilt-like patterns. They're literally quilted by a small army of Amish grandmothers.
(LAUGHTER)
O'CONNOR: They feel like gossamer and wear like iron says Heather. Oh, and a tailor comes and measures you. The fledgling company has taken off like a spicy meal, flushed with success.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: There is a knock on your door and one of these things might be waiting outside. Is it, from Tom Bodett, the delivery of genuine airline food; from Shelby Fero, a pet being delivered to you at your request by another presumably larger pet; or from Kyrie O'Connor, bespoke, artisanal toilet paper? Which of these is the real story of a delivery service we didn't know anybody needed?
DAHL: Well, I think all of them sound extremely unlikely.
(LAUGHTER)
DAHL: But I'm going to go with Tom's story about the airline food.
SAGAL: You're going to go with Tom's story about the airline food. Does that sound compelling to you?
DAHL: No.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right then. We spoke to somebody familiar with the true story.
JESSICA PLAUTZ: It allows people to order exactly the same food served on airline flights and have it delivered to their house and ready to be served.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: That was Jessica Plautz from Mashable.com talking about Air Food One, the delivery service that brings airline food to people now in Germany. That will probably spread to the United States unless we stop them.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Congratulations, you got it right, Chris. You obviously earned a point for Tom because he told the truth. But more importantly, you've won our prize, Carl Kasell's voice on your voicemail. Well done.
DAHL: Thank you very much.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Congratulations. Thank you, Chris, so much for playing.
DAHL: Thank you.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED")
STEVIE WONDER: Oh, yeah baby. Like a fool, I went and stayed too long. I'm wondering if your love is still strong. Oh, baby. Here I am, signed, sealed, delivered. I'm yours. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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